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Hey babes! I have some really cool friends who I absolutely adore. To try something different I’ve asked them to help me inspire you. I read this post by my sister Shamika Shaw, and thought that it was incredible! Check it out & read on… 😉

Gosh! So many divorces now-a-days! It causes the generation following to question marriage, it’s purpose, and it’s necessity. I’m often asked by young people in their 20’s "Shamika, are you happy being married?". One of my co-workers recently asked me while at dinner "Do you miss Ivan right now at this very moment?". She was shocked when I said yes and got up to leave right away to go home to see my husband. She said "So you really like being married huh???".

It was almost as if she couldn’t believe that someone was so excited about being married. The look on her face as I expressed the love and obsession that I have for my husband was priceless! But then she said that I give her hope. That made my heart smile. Every day is not perfect but I thoroughly enjoy being married to my best friend! At the root of our marriage is a solid friendship and we actually like each other….most days! Lol!

We get on each other’s nerves at times and would rather not experience some things that have happened but we’re committed to one another and our marriage! He wishes that I would cook more and I wish that he would travel with me. But none of these small things (especially me not cooking more😏) are deal breakers because the day that we got engaged we vowed that once we exchanged vows May 3, 2014 divorce will never be an option! Marriage is honorable and can/will work when BOTH parties are committed! Lately, I’ve realized that marriage means honoring your vows over your feelings and emotions! My marriage works because I’m committed to having a successful marriage! PERIOD!!!!!!!

Seeing divorce run rampant, especially in my generation, makes me cherish what I have with my husband even more. Again, our marriage is a far cry from perfect. We disagree enough to be considered a lot, but one thing that we always agree on is being in it for the long haul! We agree that our vows were more than arranged and exchanged phrases in front of family and friends. They were purposely declared with the future in mind – for better or worse!

I think that this is the biggest difference in our parents and grandparents generations and ours. They were committed to their marriage. No matter what happened, it was an understood covenant that no one was going anywhere. That inspires me and let’s me know that I, too, can have a happily ever after that will only end in "till death do us part". I DO!

Written by: Shamika Shaw

On the way to the next city, I thought I set my alarm but I didn’t. I was sleeping through my lobby call time. Flight leaves soon and I have to check a bag! I hadn’t taken a shower and had to run downstairs. Eeeew! Anyone who knows me, knows that a beauty tip for me is to wash your tail! LOL! Anywho, Shamika called, woke me up, and asked, “Are you alright?…” I replied, “Girl, I overslept! Coming down now!” The sleep was good! But if it wasn’t for the call from my friend/assistant I would’ve missed the flight to my next destination. In this case, the event was early and there were no other flights out to get me to the next city in time. This call went a long way.I made the flight, boarded, and read my devotional by one of my favorite authors, Pastor Rick Warren! My nanna gave me "The Purpose Driven Life" when I was about 14 or 15. I’ve been gleaning from him ever since. Nonetheless, the devotion’s title was "Four Types Of People You Need In Your Life”. The following scripture read, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm” (Proverbs 13:20 NIV). I reflected during my morning and thought, if Shamika hadn’t called me I would’ve missed the flight, which could’ve possibly tampered with my integrity. I also would’ve missed a check, had a bad feeling through the day about missing the flight and event.My question to you is, who’s calling you to wake you up when you’re sleeping on yourself or what’s next? What is the gift or talent that reveals to you your purpose? Is everyone around you allowing you to settle for less? Or are they loving you to life and to the future God has for you? Someone has to be just as wise as you, or wiser. These questions remind me of when I told my brother that I had an idea. He responded with shocking excitement and yelled while hitting his hand as a neighborHOOD representative of Detroit, “I LOVE WHEN YOU HAVE IDEAS! I LOVE IDEAS!” I couldn’t even get my statement out because of how excited he was to hear the idea. But it challenged me to change my way of thinking. “Fresh ideas keep us winning!”, he said. If you don’t bring anything to the table, why would they call you? People should encourage you to expand your ways of thinking rather than allow you to be complacent and okay with only talking about other people.So, try some self reflecting with me. Ask yourself these questions. Who’s around you that’s mentoring you or inspiring you? Or do you know it all? Who are you gleaning from? Who are you watching from a far that is teaching you? Who’s calling you so that you don’t miss the flight to your next destination? Do you complain when you’re challenged or corrected? Are you talking just as much as the vet when sitting at the table, or are you asking questions ready to learn? There’s a new level that awaits you. That new level may come with constant pressure. Are you good with just taking it, or do you know how to manage it/act through it? This could be a level of healing, maturity, love, spirituality, professionalism, mother/fatherhood, being a wife/husband, etc. You’re not called to do this alone. In Pastor Rick’s Devotion a quote stood out to me! It read, “Trying to live life solo isn’t just lonely. It works against God’s design for us.” Who has God placed in your life to be like my Drew or Shamika – motivating you to change your way of thinking and to not miss your flight? Have friends and mentors, even if they’re family. Don’t be so arrogant that you can’t take advice from anyone. Anyone who doesn’t add to you, is dead weight. If you have friends or team players that are a liability more than they are an asset, they need to be warned or removed.Click here to learn more about my SistHER Mentorship!

On my voicemail I have a greeting telling the caller to text me for a more immediate response. My family and friends have expressed their humor or disgust towards it while I’ve learned that it has kept me from a lot of trouble. 🙂 I’d much rather text to keep a paper trail in case someone tries to pull somethin’ new on me. Of course that excludes people who I trust one hundred percent. People change and lie everyday. Bless their hearts. At the same time, I have a lot on my plate. I’m often very forgetful. So, it also saves me time, breath, and helps me to be thorough and prompt when handling business. What sense is it for me to chat with you about a 2 min question when I could save us both time by just shooting you a text?

Someone called me, not too long ago, and I hadn’t answered the call. They called again and were obviously prompt to follow the detailed instructions of the voicemail greeting. Text me! They mentioned that they needed my help with trying to convince someone to be integral with how they’re treating others. I called them back and I said, “…because you’ve come through for me, the least I could do was give you a call back to decline your offer.” We laughed. They went on to explain, and I stopped them in the middle and said, “I’d rather not know what’s going on so that if someone asks me, I will be able to say that I don’t know.” There was a bit of a pause, and they mentioned that they hardly ever ask me to do much. So, I listened to their story and still didn’t want to be involved. I stopped them again because I still didn’t want too many details. I gave very little feedback and said, “let me ask my dad, my advisors, or pray about it…” We laughed again.

To minimize confusion in my life, I’ve learned that how accessible I am is one step. I give my number out often, but if you only knew how many numbers are in my blocking list, you’d laugh. It also has to do with minimizing our conversations with people. Before I had a close connection with the person I had spoken on the phone with, they were trying to get me to call. However, seasons have changed and my life has shifted. God moves us from people for a reason. Sometimes our future looks at our association to determine if we’re ready for the opportunities. It dawned on me that I’ve disconnected from people simply because of who they have been associated with. I’ve had a conversation with them, and mentioned that they’re simply “guilty by association”. I felt the need to be far more careful with the things I said around them because of their comfort with keeping the company of someone who has proven to be reasonably questioned.

Sometimes our presence will validate people more than our words. Sometimes being a good listener can cause us to be “guilty by association”. When a crime has been committed, they usually try and find the suspect and others who are “associated” with them. Many people have had to do time only because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. They were simply “guilty by association”.

Last week, I was challenged to speak less and this week I’m challenged to be mindful of who I allow to have access. Be careful of who you have around your children, spouse, ideas, private business, etc. There are some good people, but my grandfather always said, “If you have 2 friends, you’re doing really good. If you have 3, that might be too many.” I hope you’re inspired to not hurt your God-ordained relationships with being “guilty by association”.

Don’t be marked by your words! Be marked by your work! This week I’ve been listening to myself talk. Lately, I’ve been prompted to ask my friend Courtney, “Do I talk too much?” I have marked people I’ve said I’d never want to be like because of how much they say. I spoke to appreciate my parents, yesterday, and my grandfather jokingly said, but with a hint of seriousness, “my sweet grand-baby just talks so much”! I laughed, but it stuck with me! From this moment forward I’ve gathered that with the vision, dream, anointing, responsibility, calling, and more, there comes feelings that you just can’t always express. If you release everything to the public, what will you have for yourself? I wish I had asked myself these questions more often. It’s something called wisdom. While reading and studying, I’ve learned that Ecclesiastes is another book of wisdom. Ecclesiastes 10:14 says, “and fools multiply words. No one knows what is coming—who can tell someone else what will happen after them?” I found another scripture Ecclesiastes 5:3 that says, “…and many words mark the speech of a fool.” While transparency may be refreshing to some, transparency with wisdom can be restoring for many. So, I took this healthy challenge to prepare to be a better/wiser woman, daughter, friend, sister, to be wife, and to be mother. I will be a better listener, but, not to ready to say everything. I will not be like a “dripping faucet” to those I’m in covenant. I will not run my family and friends away because of my mouth. I remember seeing posters in elementary school that read, “Silence is golden.” Sometimes a talkative person represents immaturity. In result, I take this godly challenge to practice wisdom and to speak less. If we’re always busy talking, how will we observe those who we’re talking to isn’t safe? Can the talkative observe their surroundings? “Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues” (Proverbs 17:28) What words have you released that you can’t get back? Practice this godly challenge with me! Become wiser!

Recently I spent the day at my Grandparents’ home and we had company. Gabby, and my niece, Kali joined us. We had great conversation and played with fun toys to appease Kali. We all refer to my Grandmother as Nanna and now my niece and nephew refer to my Mother as Nanna too. While riding in the backseat with Kali, I did what we usually do with children. I played the “Who is that?” game. Hoping that she would name each person I pointed to successfully, and she did! I pointed to my Nanna and she said, “That’s Nanna!” but she paused and said, “but I already have a Nanna…”. She then held up her hands as if she was solving a math problem and said, “that’s one, two, too many Nanna’s”. We laughed because we were impressed with her realization of her calling two important women, Nanna. She shook her head as if it was too much and moved on by dancing and bouncing. My grandmother said, “I was the first Nanna! Your new Nanna stole my name.” We laughed again.

This impressed me because we have the ability to realize when something is “too much” as early as 3. What things have we tolerated and counted on our hands as Kali did? Who told us to just deal with it as if things will be fine eventually? Have we increased an unhealthy tolerance for immaturity, pain, lost time, etc.? How many apologies have we accepted from ourselves and people who seem to ignore our deepest desires? Or simply add way too much drama to our lives? When I say that something makes me feel unsafe or inadequate, anyone who loves you would strongly consider those words.

Time is precious. How many opportunities will you pass up because of your laziness? I got on the scale Friday, and then today, and realized that a pound was added each day. I looked in the sky and said, “Alright na! You gone have to get it together!” As I share this experience, Im thinking like Kali and saying to myself, “Seriously. That’s one, two, too many pounds. LOL” In result, I’ve mustered a discipline that I acted as if I didn’t seem to have when I wanted to eat what was in front of me. Talk about “fat self”,LOL that was me. Total greediness.

After the disturbing massacre in Las Vegas, and having learned more information on the killer, I thought about things differently. To have learned that this man seemed to have been so normal, only an accountant who minded his own business, and tended to his Philippine girlfriend…why all of sudden did this man have the urge to completely destroy so many people’s lives? Like Yolanda to Selena? Or whoever to 2Pac and Biggie? Or the other best friends that were inconsistent that put their “friends” in harm’s way but didn’t make the news? People flip flop! Should I no longer tolerate the flip flopping in my safe zones? At any moment someone can spazz. So, I’ve decided to remove people who are always up and down. People who make me feel unsafe or is causing me to think about too many things more than once.

Having people with continuous ups and downs can simply be “one, two, too many times…”! At what point do we draw the line for inconsistent adults who make us feel like victims of their own internal issues that they’ve not dealt with. Having people around you who understand the hustle and grind is so important. When you’re busy, you’re busy. Have people around who know how to “pick up where we left off…”! Or are you making yourself feel like a victim of things that you allow to happen “one, two, too many times”?

Some things I can simply no longer go for! At some point, God gives us permission to say, “Enough is enough!” I love God. So, I might as well be obedient when I can! LOL I’d rather let go of anything that is disturbing my peace and integrity. I love myself. I work hard so that I can be a blessing to the people around me and to people I’ve never met. “By the time I’m finished, the world will know that I was here!” (Pastor Keion Henderson) That’s my goal. With this mentality, my surroundings have to change and my tolerance level must be different.

This week, liberate yourself by letting go of any mental, emotional, or physical weight. Have the heart of Christ but have that same heart that He carried while being about His Father’s business. (Matthew 21:12) Overturn a table or two, get fed up if you’re loving and treating others fair when it’s not given back to you. Don’t let things go on “one, two, too many times…” Keep watching. Count on your hands like Kali and have peace with moving on, bouncing and dancing through life. You have a right to be busy and to not always be available. Jesus was unavailable too! (Luke 2:49) Stay prayerful. Be quiet. Work Hard. Fulfill purpose and do it to the glory of God.